Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Did you become a cuckold for your wife?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why did Cartman love Heidi purely with heart, her being the first one he ever did, but then one day Butters tells him that all women are manipulative and then he began to believe that she was a bad person and pretended to be a victim?

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

NYC summer stargazing seasons kicks off with triangle, meteor showers - Gothamist

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I’m a 25 year old teacher teaching at boys school & I have colleagues younger than me. I caught one of my students telling her he wanted her as his teacher instead & it hurt my feelings. They compliment her a lot. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I see through liars

Mets’ need their all-time lost opportunity to be a Dodgers aberration - New York Post

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

‘Stranger Things’ Season 5 Gets Three-Part Release, Series Finale Set for New Year’s Eve - Variety

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I have complete contempt for traitorism

What ESPN’s Football Power Index is projecting for Big 12 rivals BYU and Utah in 2025 - Deseret News

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Why do I feel sleepy after massage?

I can count

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

Wes Anderson Put a Great Deal of Time and Thought Into His Upcoming Criterion Career Box Set - IndieWire

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I actually pay taxes

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

The First At-Home Cervical Cancer Screening Device Was Approved by the FDA, Set to Roll Out This Year - Good News Network

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

Physicists observe a new form of magnetism for the first time - Phys.org

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I have a reading level above third grade

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I have complete contempt for fakery

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I can read

I don’t buy bullshit

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know who the president of Turkey really is

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I took the same Oath and took it seriously